Need to Breakup with a Controlling, Needy, Jealous Boyfriend?

Do you have a sense that your partner restricts your lifestyle with excessive neediness, jealousy, controlling behavior, or by being too demanding. A relationship is a place to build something — both partners should help the other expand their horizons. Compromises need to be made, but neither partner should have the sense that they are constrained by neediness, jealousy, etc. If your relationship has more in common with a hostage situation than a healthy relationship, you may need relationship help fast.

Your relationship may be unhealthy if your partner:

  • Demands to be by your side as often as possible
  • Expects you to call him multiple times a day
  • Needs to know where you’re going at all times
  • Shows jealousy over your normal interactions with other men
  • Frowns on your having female friends
  • Discourages you from spending time with male friends
  • Has you walking on eggshells for fear of “slipping up”
  • Demands to analyze everything about your relationship
  • Pressures you to make commitments for which you’re not ready, such as marriage

You may be accustomed to her behaving like this, and you might accept that it’s just the way he is. It’s your choice if you wish to maintain a relationship with someone who acts like this, but it’s important to be aware of these behaviors — they are signs of an unhealthy relationship. When one partner is controlling or unstable, the other partner often experiences negative physical and mental effects from the stress. A lifetime of tolerating this behavior is a miserable existence.

What if you have no desire to maintain this relationship? Are you putting off the inevitable? Do you have the sense that eventually you will leave your partner, though now is just not the right time. With a birthday coming up, a parent who is ill, or an important interview on the horizon, you just can’t leave her now in her time of need. The truth is, there is never a good time to leave, and the sooner you do it, the sooner you both can get on with your lives.

If you see your relationship described here, this describes you, take action. Go to my site on leaving unhappy relationships.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps men and women leave unhappy, unhealthy relationships. See (for women), or (for men).

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3 Responses to “Need to Breakup with a Controlling, Needy, Jealous Boyfriend?”

  • Faith says:

    I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and things were going pretty well until I studied abroad in Florence, Italy. At first things were fine until I started noticing that my boyfriend had become more needy and clingy. He would freak out if I didn’t talk to him every single day on skype or message him back right away. He would tag me in Facebook posts all the time, he would look up my recent activity on Facebook and awkwardly comment on my friends’s statuses It got to the point where i started feeling smothered and embarrassed because of his behavior. As time went on it became worse.He would get jealous of harmless interactions and even guys who I have pictures with on facebook long before we got together. He became very possessive and jealous and that combined with the clingyness made me start to fall out of love with him. It hurts because I do still love him but everyday it is getting weaker and weaker. I can’t stand clingyness. He is a sweet guy, he treats me very well, and loves me very much. He talks constantly about marriage and kids and a future together but I’ve been doubting that more and more lately. Part of me can see myself married to him but part of me wants to end it. I’m very confused right now. It doesn’t help that he has hinted a few times that if I leave him he will kill himself because I’m the only girl for him and he has told his entire family ( who I love and whom treat me like a daughter) about how we are getting married. I do love him and maybe it will get better when I go back home but at the same time I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I don’t know whether to stay or go. Help

  • molly says:

    Hi faith, here’s the thing, wwhen your in doubt in a controlling relationship, throw him out. i was in a relationship like yours and it went on for three years. it got gradually worse and worse started off with little things like being jealous over who i was with where i was when i was coming back to calling me 50 times a day and watching me thru windows at school and biking from guelph to cambridge just to see if i. was talking to any guys. On one weekend he was drinking and strangled me cuz he thought i was texted another guy. i was txtin my sister. it got to the point i had to give him my phone everyday to shoe him who i was texting or calling aftter we left school. i had to come to his house every weekend and if i didnnt he would come to mine cuz we had to see eachotherr everyday cuz if not then there would be consiquences. i went my whole entire higghschool life with no friends and no partys no trips nothing because he wouldn’t allow it. people. say why don’t u leave. well.. once ur in that type of relTionshiit then they understr that its not thT simple. he said. he would kill himself if i left he said he would stalk me. come to my house and shit. two years later i finally had the courage to leave when i met this guy at my neughbours house one night when my bf wasn’t there. we clicked in an insttant. That was back in 2009 now we have been dating since then. I’m engaged and in a much much better relationship now. i don’t have to ask to go out places or worry if he’s watching me orr if i talk to a guy i won’t be strangled. trust me, leaave
    you can do better. don’t get hurt like i did to realize its time to go. i hope I’m not to late. all the best girl,
    molly nairn

  • shaheena says:

    I am married and i loved another guy who says he loves me a lot but is very controlling .. he doesnt let me go out , stay in touch with friends, doesnt let me dress what i wana wear, and is very very controlling.. he wont let me breath nicely, he even gives me swears of god , quran etc tht u have to do this n that n i listen like stupid but i cant take it anymore. At the other end my husband loves me a lot but i am a lonely wife. plz help me

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