Emotional abuse is more difficult to diagnose than physical abuse because the symptoms can slowly work their way into a relationship. This starts with unhealthy behavior patterns and escalates to something more troubling. For example, an emotionally abusive partner tries to manipulate you to get what they want. They often don’t mean to hurt you, but their controlling nature makes them behave in ways that are emotionally harmful to you.
What signs should you look for to determine if your relationship is an emotionally abusive one? Here are a few:
- You are afraid to express yourself freely with your partner, and feel like you have to watch what you say.
- Your partner’s jealousy often keeps you from doing things you want with the opposite sex, even friends and colleagues.
- Your partner frequently criticizes you, humiliates you in front of others, and you feel like your self-esteem has taken a blow since you met him or her.
- Your partner prevents you from spending time with your friends, family, and anyone else outside of the relationship.
- Your partner monitors your internet usage or reads your email correspondence.
- Your partner has hinted at the possibility of hurting you or your loved ones if you ever betrayed him or her, or if you ever broke off the relationship.
- Your partner has hinted at the possibility of hurting himself or herself, or even committing suicide if you ever broke off the relationship.
This is by no means a comprehensive list of what to look for in an emotionally abusive relationship, but it gives you an idea of some of the major warning signs. The last sign – a partner who threatens suicide – is an especially dangerous manipulative tactic. If your partner threatens suicide if you don’t do what they want, they are essentially taking you as their hostage in the relationship. If this is the case in your relationship, you need to get a third party involved as soon as possible.
If you think you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship, you need to get help or get out as soon as possible. Even if the situation never escalates to physical abuse, you should be aware that emotional abuse is just as harmful and can lead to stress, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and other problems that will disrupt your life.
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[...] Are You in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship? | Relationships … [...]
I know I am in an emotionally abusive relationship. My boyfriend guilt trips me every time I try to break up with him. He says that all he has is me, which is pretty true but I can’t do this anymore. His guilt trips work and I always end up getting back with him, hoping that it will just be a month or so until he can let go, but it never works. I have heard that it takes a girl 7 times on average to break up with her abusive boyfriend. I’m on 4… I don’t know how I will make it to 7. What is the best way I can go about breaking up with him? I’ve tried the angry, leave me alone break up and the nice, I still want to be friends and be there for you but nothing is ever good enough he cannot let go.
How do I do this?!
First, i don’t advise you to stay friends. He will NOT let go and will eventually con you back into getting back with him. I’m not too much of an expert, and I desperately WISH I could share my success story with you, but unfortunately, I can’t. I’ve been with “Jim” now for almost 2 years. We’ve known each other for longer. The relationship is MOST unhealthy and really takes a toll on my life. He is not only emotionally abusive, but one time he was physically abusive. He threatens to kill me and my family, if I ever cheated on him. And 7? Wow. I’m on 10.
I wish I could just walk away, for that’s what everyone says I need to do, and they are right. But I do love him so much, and I wish things wasn’t like they are. I’ve tried every way possible to just walk away, but it doesn’t take long and he’s swayed me back into his arms where things are “ok” for a month or so.
During that month, he checks my cell phone to see who I’ve text, doesn’t let me communicate with guy friends, wants me with him constantly (I wouldn’t even consider this one of the abusive things, but when you get phone calls at 5 in the morning wanting you to get up 4 hours early just so he can watch you..yeah) doesnt let me go anywhere by myself, takes my keys, etc. He makes me feel worthless, and CONSTANTLY brings up my past. (which to be honest, is pretty lame considering I haven’t dated but 2 other guys)
All in all, I HATE the position I’m in. I love him, but I’m a totally different person when I’m around him, then when I’m not. I feel depressed constantly now, and I hope you can find a way out of that position.
My advice, break it off with him, change all your phone numbers, and DON’t CALL HIM or anything. All it does is bring up old feelings, and makes the healing process much worse.
Trust me, I’ve tried.
GoodLuck
Emotional abuse its also hard on children such as much as physical abuse. If you have kids keep that in mind.
My boyfriend has major trust issues. I am only sixteen and he tells me he wants to stay together forever. But trust is a big thing for me. I’m not aloud to be around my friends anymore without him calling every five minutes and checking up on me. When he calls- he always accuses me of cheating even though theres no possible way I could be cheating when i’m on the phone with him almost the whole time. Other times he calls when i’m at home; he calls me a slut and a whore and makes me agree with him. He makes me say things i don’t want to or he says he’ll hang up on me or takes it further and says he’ll get me beat up. I have tried to break up with him numerous times but everytime he says he’s going to hurt my friends or shoot my house up or get me hurt or kill himself. My friends all say that he won’t really do any of that, but i don’t want to be responsible for anyone getting killed or hurt so i’m not willing to take the chance that hes just kidding around. But, this has gone too far and i don’t know what to do. My mom calls me stupid and she hates him. My friends say the same thing. He also threatens my friends when i hang out with them because he doesn’t want me being with them because he says they will make me cheat on him. He seems to think the world is against him. But, no one, my friends or mom, knows how hard it is to leave him. If it was easy, i would of already done it.
What am i supposed to do??
Girls….Im reading your words and thinking…where are “your” feelings and self worth????
Amy – there is no such thing as 7 times on average to break up, you just break up! Why on earth do you think you should give him 7 chances beautiful?? Break it off now before it gets to the point where you are in even more danger (you already are by the way). Stay with friends or family and dont tell him where you are for a while. Yes, he will be angry – he has lost his control! You have gained it again x
Brittany, you dont love him. Get real with yourself too. Harsh I know (been there) but no man who treats you like that deserves your love. Again, leave him and dont look back. The longer you stay and “own” his attempts to lower your self esteem (which seems pretty low if you are saying you still love someone who hurts you, then I think you know already that doesnt seem right yes?)
I left in the middle of the night with a few of my possesssions close to me and with family, and have never looked back! Yeah it was hard, but staying longer, and being married to a not only physically but emotionally abusive man, was going to damage me the longer I stayed. I stayed longer than i wanted – always thought I could help him or it was me that was causing his issues, but no. And its no to both of you too!
Find family and / or friends to talk to and tell them exactly how you feel and leave. These guys cannot change – ask any psychologist.
Belinda
MMedSc., Grad. Dip. Pharm., BSc (pharm).
[...] Source: http://relationshipbreakup101.com/2009/10/23/are-you-in-an-emotionally-abusive-relationship/ [...]
hello all. i am in my late 40′s, and read the 16 year old’s post with waaaay too much recognition. i also found myself in pieces of each of the other posts. my relationship is in it’s 5th year. expression of our deep connection (and ‘love’) is most evident when she travels (without me) or when i leave her (frequently). she is always able to make me believe that we as a couple are more solid than we are individually, so i inevitably go back, with full intent of finding the happiness i so want to believe is possible. the sweetness of our reunion lasts for a few days at best, and then the same patterns and emotional battering begin again, then escalate until i no longer accept it, and leave – yet again … for a short amount of time – then i go back – yet again. there is an unbelievably beautiful, spiritual place in her that my psyche finds irresistable … it is this place in her that i seem to crave.
the emotional abuse started early on, escalated to minor/moderate physical abuse, and continues in this pattern to this day — i wonder if i will ever believe myself strong enough to imagine (and then be) doing life without her? my conundrum (i think) is the knowing that in order to ‘leave’ i must necessarily, completely cut the cord – getting my head around being in life without (the beautiful piece of) her is the grip she has . i know this. she says we need counseling – i think she desperately needs it. she is in her mid-50′s. i’m not really asking for advice, but want to express appreciation for your being here — i know what s-h-o-u-l-d happen; i simply h-a-v-e-n-’-t done it … thank you for a forum to share.
All these things are so familiar to me, but in a strange way that I am not sure if I can call it emotional abuse. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost five years. She can have an unstable temper, and has yelled plenty of times, but has never physically abused me. Yes, she did raise her hand to me once, but the blow never fell. More often than not, her anger is about something else, and directed at me because I’m always there. I live with my family, but I’m over at her house every night, and she makes me feel guilty when I say that I want to go home, or if I want to spend a night at home instead of being with her. (And this all comes after she cried over the death of a family friend who’s family lives in another state and didn’t care what happen to his remains, she spent hours crying about the importance of family relationships, and still got mad when I sad I wanted to go eat dinner with my father) I don’t know if this can be classified as emotional abuse. When she isn’t angry, things are perfect, and I do love her so its very hard. Growing up in a house that was filled with people screaming at each other when I was very young, I have always shied away from anger like that, it makes me uncomfortable. Her mother will scream about something at the drop of a hat. I fear that she will be the same. In the course of these past five years she has become more and more like her mother. I don’t think I can be with something like that for the rest of my life. Is this emotional abuse?
I find pieces of my relationship in all of your stories. My boyfriend isn’t as severe as everyone else is describing, but he makes me feel guilty when I want to spend some time with my family or friends. My mom is one of my best friends and whenever I talk to her about an argument we just had, he gets angry at me and says he won’t come over to my place ever again because he feels uncomfortable around my mom. Whenever we get into arguments, I’ll say something like “I just don’t know what to do” and he’ll say “Don’t know what to do about what? Us?” and he always implies that I want to leave him. Like Maggie said, when he isn’t angry, things are perfect. Only problem is, the only time he isn’t angry is when I’m doing exactly what he wants me to be doing. He doesn’t tell me what to wear exactly, but if I try on a pair of shorts and they’re a little bit short (short shorts are almost all you can find that will look good on me) he’ll tell me they look terrible so I won’t buy them.. Even though I know they look great and fit well. Also, he has a really high sex drive and I don’t… I’ve tried so many times to say yes to sex when I’m not in the mood, but if I say no, he begs and pleads and pressures me into it, no matter how many times I say no. It ends in one of two ways – me staying with ‘no’ and him getting really angry and ignoring me, or me saying yes because I feel so guilty. I don’t know how to leave him, because I still love him so much and remember how it was in the beginning when we were so happy together. We’ve been in this relationship for almost 10 months and we were probably only happy for less than 2. It was only last week that I realized and was handed the proof on a piece of paper that he is emotionally abusive. We got into a really bad argument one day and he ended up breaking up with me in a 20 second phone call. He grovelled and wanted to see me to make things up to me, but I told him I needed my space and I couldn’t be around him that day. He came to my house anyway with flowers and a tearful apology, I couldn’t help but take him back. What can I do??
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. When we first got together I thought things were perfect, we spent every day together and always had fun. After several months I knew I wanted out but we were managing a restaurant together. He got us fired, and I wanted to be there for him until we both got on our feet. Well, now it has been over a year and he still can’t hold a job, he as to use my car for work, and he is very emotionally abusive. He is always pressuring me to do drugs or have sex. I am more and more miserable. The problem is he uses my car for work, so I can’t just leave. Also, my friends and family are all in New Hampshire and I am in Florida wit him. Also, the lease isn’t up until April , and its in my name and I know I can[t stay that long. I just feel so stuck and miserable it gets worse and worse every day. Then there will be one day he is actually nice and I feel guilty. I know I have support but they are so far away. How do I tell him I want it over? He is always threatening other people at is work who upset him. I am really afraid to tell him. But I am completely loosing myself and my happiness now. I was in a similar situation years ago and I can’t believe I am stuck like this. I am so mad at myself!
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