A marriage can be a beautiful thing.
But…if you’re on the path to marriage, and a part of your brain is yelling, “This isn’t what I want!,” you may want to reconsider. Sometimes we get caught up in the expectations of our partner, our family, our partner’s family, or society (“We’ve been dating for 2 years, so I guess I have to…”).
A relationship is a choice to build something. If you’re on the verge of proposing — or you’re already engaged — and you have a sense that it’s not truly what you want…you may be setting both of you up for a difficult life.
By the time you have the courage to pursue a life you want, you may have kids, financial obligations, and a whole list of reasons why you can’t leave.
But if you’re not married, you don’t have those obligations. You still have a choice.
Unfortunately, most of us have a talent for creating excuses for staying:
- “He’ll go berserk if I leave.”
- “I’m really close with his family.”
- “She’s already started planning the wedding.”
- “I gave her my word (and a ring).”
Regarding the last point, yes, keeping promises is important, but fulfilling a promise of marriage is the wrong choice if you’re experiencing strong doubt. If you made that promise in error, you must let her know sooner rather than later.
The bottom line is this: If you’re having strong second thoughts (not just cold feet) about your engagement, or you never felt truly committed to the idea in the first place, you may be destined for:
1) A lifetime of disappointment
2) A difficult divorce
You need to make a decision now, and act on it, so you don’t waste BOTH your lives.