Emotional abuse is more difficult to diagnose than physical abuse because the symptoms can slowly work their way into a relationship. This starts with unhealthy behavior patterns and escalates to something more troubling. For example, an emotionally abusive partner tries to manipulate you to get what they want. They often don’t mean to hurt you, but their controlling nature makes them behave in ways that are emotionally harmful to you.

What signs should you look for to determine if your relationship is an emotionally abusive one?  Here are a few:

  • You are afraid to express yourself freely with your partner, and feel like you have to watch what you say.
  • Your partner’s jealousy often keeps you from doing things you want with the opposite sex, even friends and colleagues.
  • Your partner frequently criticizes you, humiliates you in front of others, and you feel like your self-esteem has taken a blow since you met him or her.
  • Your partner prevents you from spending time with your friends, family, and anyone else outside of the relationship.
  • Your partner monitors your internet usage or reads your email correspondence.
  • Your partner has hinted at the possibility of hurting you or your loved ones if you ever betrayed him or her, or if you ever broke off the relationship.
  • Your partner has hinted at the possibility of hurting himself or herself, or even committing suicide if you ever broke off the relationship.

This is by no means a comprehensive list of what to look for in an emotionally abusive relationship, but it gives you an idea of some of the major warning signs. The last sign – a partner who threatens suicide – is an especially dangerous manipulative tactic. If your partner threatens suicide if you don’t do what they want, they are essentially taking you as their hostage in the relationship. If this is the case in your relationship, you need to get a third party involved as soon as possible.

If you think you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship, you need to get help or get out as soon as possible. Even if the situation never escalates to physical abuse, you should be aware that emotional abuse is just as harmful and can lead to stress, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and other problems that will disrupt your life.

Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse can be harder to identify, because it can slowly creep into a relationship without either partner realizing it. Often, the abuser isn’t even aware of what he or she is doing (and would probably deny it if it were brought to light).

Emotionally abusive partners seek to manipulate you. They often don’t want to hurt you, but their controlling nature makes them act out in a way that is mentally and emotionally harmful. Here are some signs that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship:

  • You feel that you can’t express yourself freely with your partner, or you have to “walk on eggshells.”
  • Your partner frequently express jealousy, and keeps you from engaging in normal interactions with the opposite sex
  • Your partner frequently yells at you, criticizes you, or undermines your self-esteem
  • Your partner keeps you from your friends, family and support groups outside of the relationship
  • You caught your partner monitoring your email or internet usage
  • Your partner alludes to the possibility of harming you or your loved ones if you “betrayed” or left him or her
  • Your partner implies that if you were to leave, he or she may commit suicide or engage in other self-harm

This is not an exhaustive list, and is just meant to point out some of the trends of an emotionally abusive relationship. Regarding the last bullet point — threats of suicide — it is an especially manipulative tactic. If your partner holds their potential suicide over their head, they are essentially attempting to take you hostage. You need to bring in a third party if they resort to this or any other form of violence.

Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse, and can lead to chronic anxiety, depression, and even post-traumatic stress disorder.  If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, you need to get help and get out, and you need to do it fast.  There are two immediate steps you should take:

1) Realize that this situation is NOT OK and can’t go on any longer.  Don’t kid yourself: Your partner’s yelling, constant criticism, “freaking out,” etc.,  is not a “quirk” you should tolerate.

2) You need to create some space for you to get your mind back.  Do whatever you can to create some physical and psychological space.  Once you’re away from your partner’s controlling domain and able to find refuge with family and friends, you’ll gain the perspective you need to take the steps to leave.

Leave an Emotionally Abusive Relationship (for women)

Leave an Emotionally Abusive Relationship (for men)

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