I loved a guy at the age of 19 and thot he is the best for me and there wud be no one i wud love so much. We dated for alomost 3 years.It was not exactly dating. We used to meet up sumtimes sumwhr in public places,spend some time chatting.Our relationship grew deep and intense thru SMS.Daily nite we used to test each other and used to romance thru SMS.Since he was best in all means(family relative,educated,good looking,loving,caring etc) i decided to tell this matter to my mom n relatives. Evryone agreed and there was no sign of objection from anyone..I was thinking iam the luckiest grl in dis world…After 3 yesrs of our love,i got a job and i had to move to another place and even he had to move to yet another far place for his job.I insited that i want to get engaged with him before i leave and everyone agreed for that even.Since he cannot come back from his new job place before 2 years..We decided to get engaged and get married after 2 years..We both were so excited,but sad that we have to stay far for 2 years…

First few days were very sad and unbearable.Was feeling like seeing him and used to speak over phone for hours,used to chat etc…At this time,at my new place,i had a couple of frnds who work wth me in my ofc both boys and gals.Even though evryone were new to me,i was able to adjust wth them n very soon we became very close frnds.We used to gather for each n ecry occasion and spend lots of time.This is wen my Bee(dats wat i call him) became close to me..Out of all,i n bee started became very close frnds.He knew dat i was engaged and even i used to maintain a distance..Gradually we started developing feelings for each other,but i nvr showed him,since i know its not possible… We used to roam around in d weekends in his bike,spend lots of time speaking,we started speaking in the nite over phone,but our relationship nvr crossed limits..But i started noticing that he hated me speaking over phone wth my fiancee..He used to get angry wenever my phone rings..

one day we had a big fight and he had to say sorry to me and we returned from office together to his room.He hugged me n said sorry.Then it bacame a habit that without hugging we both wudnt leave..time went on,we became more close..We shared evrything and we started living like husband and wife..I realized life was perfect..I realized this is life,where he never lets me do things alone,he never allows me to go out alone..he always cares me,he calls me baby,gave me compliments saying u luking gorgeous,never made me sad.

WE took leaves together,spend whole day at room,romancing,making love,having food together and life was just awesome.We both like to hangout in the evenings,go for a ride on long roads,whr i hug him and we sing songs and anyone wud feel jealous of our relationship.As days went by,the thot that im gonna marry sumone else was hurting us both.He started getting angry on me n asked me to take a decision.And i was in such a helpless situation that i cud not tell my fiancee to back off from this and neither cud i leave my bee..n yeah,i started hating my fiancee,i used to not speak properly wen he calls,used to get angry for each n evrything he said.nvr used to say him love u wen hanging up his call..I was so frustrated thinking how am i going to handle evrything.

And the biggest mistake i did is,i told my finacee that im having affair wth my bee and that is wen doubting started.He satrted calling 5-7 times a day to know whr iam.He started spying on me..He wudnt believe me even if i say im out wth my frnds and not with bee..On the other hand,me n my bee decided to go far,since we booth knew it was our mistake since our relationship wud never come to a happy ending..but we never cud go far..Hardly 2 days we stay far wthout calling n meeting,but 3rd day we both become close n end up in having sex..

Now,the time has come where my marriage is fixed with my fiancee..I n my bee fought and said we are never gonna meet and we wud never keep any contact wth eachother…I cant do anything in favour of my bee,since there are many family problems..If my mom comes to know all these she may shatter.But even then ,i asked my bee if he was ready to accept me now as his wife,but he disagrred saying not at this last time..IT is true wat he said,cuz i shoud think of his parents even..All of a suddedn he cannot tell his parents that i love a grl who has broke up her engagement for my sake.

I dnt knw wat to do..Now iam with my mom,far from my ofc place and we havnt contacted since 2 days..Iam worried thinking wat he will be doing and im not able to take dis pain..felt like ending my life,since i strongly feel that iam the reason for evrything.I broke my fiancees trust adn also i broke my bee’s trust..I made many ppl unhappy.I became very short tempered nw.I yell at each n evrything..And i have decided to quit my job n not to continue after marriage..Im scared how will i spend my life wth my fiancee,whom i dnt love anymore..im very much worried of my bee..He has to stay alone wthout me after my marriage and there is no one to comfort him..We always were frnds infront of evryone,so we cannot shre it wth our frnds…Now there is no way other than forgetting my bee and he forgetting me but i dnt think i can..

Evry sec i feel guilty thinking i should have done sumthing in the beggining itself..NHow there is only 2 months left for my wedding and i will be quitting my job after which i will never meet my bee..He was my evrything n i was his evrything..He loved me like mad even though he knew i will nvr become his.We both had a narrow hope that one day we will be together again..All our dreams are shattered..We dreamt a lot abt our house,children,futture,evrything..Now he complaints me that he became unsucessful because of me..He cudnt not conc on his work,nor he cud save money,nor he cud progress in his carreer.He invested his time for me n now in the end,he is left out wth nothing..

He was always rite from the beggining..Im feeling very sorry and guilty for spoiling his life.I being a grl shoud have made him understand in the begiing that dis is not gonna work..Wat will i do now? Is it the right thing iam doing wth him? Is it the rite thing iam doing by marrying my fiancee? I feel i have to be punished for all these sins..But truely speaking i want to have a life with my bee and not with my fiancee..I love my bee a lot..:( hope no grl in dis world will have such a worst pain..
In Tears ….

My partner of 12 years left me 6 weeks ago, and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with.
Reading some of your posts has give me some strength and the realisation that other people go through this, and I’m not alone.
Thank you all for sharing your feelings.

I’ve been with my fiancee for 7 years, since I was 17 – and its been a long road with lots of ups and downs along the way (as most relationships are I know). I want to share my story, to get things off my chest because I really feel like I need to break free from the feelings I have been having for so long.

We started seeing each other when I was at Uni, he had just started his position as a train driver which he still currently does, meaning he is away from home most of the time and misses out on special events because of his role. I would never expect him to change his role, he loves his career and it is very worthwhile in terms of his salary and seeing him happy as it is something that his grandfather also did.

Once I left Uni, I got my first job which paid well but was never what I truly wanted or liked (I hated the job as a matter of fact), I stayed with it because the only other option was to be unemployed (as I work in a field which there isn’t a lot of jobs around) and my boyfriend was still completing his traineeship which meant we had to stay in the same area so he could finish this off. I made it clear all along that I wanted to leave the area, as I was bullied at my school and have a lot of emotional angst towards people in the area because of it. We bought a house together, we travelled and did all the things a couple should – but I was always hoping that as soon as he finished his traineeship that we would move away, sell or rent our house out and live the life I’d imagined.

In 2008 I fell pregnant by accident, instead of making the best out of a bad situation we both agreed to terminate the pregnancy because we didn’t feel like it was the right time. In a way, I did want to keep the baby because I’d been told I couldn’t have kids during my teens (due to having cysts on my ovaries), but we didn’t discuss the issue thoroughly, we may not have been financially set up but hey, most people aren’t or are never in as good as financial position that we were. All of a sudden, we had terminated our baby and things were expected to return to normal and this is when I started my downhill slide towards unhappiness.

The following year I resigned from the role I hated, and I signed up into another Uni course by correspondence because I felt like I needed a change in life. A huge weight had been lifted when the pressure of my role was gone. I studied and worked almost full time for 18 months, until once again I felt like I was stressed and needed a change. I constantly hassled him to move towns, we’d been there for 3.5 years, he had finished his traineeship and yet still we were stuck in the same spot, without having discussed plans for what we wanted in life or where we wanted to be.
We decided to move to his home town, where his friends and family are (not mine) which meant he could stay in his same job and we could finally move away. Id asked him numerous times to look at houses to buy, because I wanted to renovate and make this our final home for our future and kids, but he never showed interest in this.
I applied for a position in that area with a company that offered huge amounts of potential, a leading company in my field with new products and amazing travel opportunities. I didn’t get the job in his home town because I didn’t have enough experience, but I got offered a job 1.5 hrs away from our home doing the same thing in another state. I don’t know what made me take the role, but I had a feeling this was my time to shine after wasting years of Uni doing half hearted roles just so I could be close to him.

I moved away and we kept our relationship going, I guess in a way it was also a test to see how much he really does love me and whether he would make sacrifices to be with me just like the way I’d spent years in a place I hated just to support him.
18 months later – Last year I kissed another person, which is wrong and I know I’ve hurt my fiancee – at a time when I needed him I found emotional support in someone else. He knows about this, and even told my parents, there is no excuse but it is an indication that things are falling apart.
18 months later and he still wasn’t, still isn’t living with me so we went on a holiday overseas at christmas and I gave him the ultimatum that I needed the answer by the end of our holiday that he either moved to be with me or that was it. Our holiday was cut short due to a death in the family, so I never got an answer, not even after we had got back. But a week later before I went away for work, and two days before I was going to end the relationship he proposed. And I said yes, thinking that everything would change and a miracle would happen that would bring us together.

How wrong was I…?

Since then there has still be false promises about him moving over, and another month goes by and he is still not here. We hardly speak, we have no plans (never have had) about the future or what we want in life and I now feel (and have for some time now) that the love between us has gone and we’re more friends than partners.
Even the excitement about our engagement has gone, no ad in the paper, no engagement party – every time we try to talk about getting married it turns into an argument, which is hard to talk to friends and family about when they are more excited than the bride and groom. Ive dreamed of getting married all my life, yet this is exactly not what I pictured, my heart actually breaks thinking about how happy other people are planning their exciting days. Even Easter just passed and we didn’t even spend the day together, I’ve just had a serious health scare and yet I even attended the Drs appointment by myself.

I love him, I truly do – but we’ve come to the end of the road, which even my family have noticed. Taking this job was the best thing that has ever happened for my confidence and experiences in life, and I guess after all I have got the answer to the test I put him through – some things just aren’t meant to be and people change, they either grow apart or grow together. And its better to end an engagement than a marriage…

So the question is, how do I get through this? How do I announce it to my family and friends? What do I do with the engagement presents? How do I heal my heart after loving someone for so long? How do I move on? I’m scared of the journey ahead, which I know what I need to do I’m just actually scared of being alone…