For Men – 11 Signs You’re in a Codependent Relationship – And How to Get Out
July 26th, 2009 | 
Author: | It’s often obvious that a needy, demanding woman who clings to a man has codependent tendencies. However, a relationship consists of two people, and HE is no less responsible. In fact, his behavior can also be labeled “codependent.” Two people who have codependent tendencies may act in opposite ways: While one is needy and drains her partner, the other may have a enlarged sense of responsibility to his partner, and is overly sensitive to her needs and demands.
In fact, people with opposing codependent styles tend to attract each other. These opposing psychological profiles have been termed “takers” and “caretakers.” Codependent relationships are complicated, and they’re often characterized by manipulation, lack of boundaries, repressed emotions, emotional volatility, jealousy issues, verbal abuse, etc. Both partners tend to have complicated back-stories, which often serve to justify abnormal behavior. If you’re a man feeling stuck in a codependent relationship, realize that your happiness is worth the effort it takes to move on. First, take a look at this list, which identify just some of the signs to look for: * You feel that you’re responsible for her, and it’s your job to make her happy and solve her problems * She is extremely jealous and makes it difficult for you to interact with other females or have female friends These are just some of the signs that are easiest to spot from the man’s point of you view. If you feel that you may be in a codependent relationship, or you feel as if you’re trapped and there’s no way out, most like. Being in a codependent relationship makes for a stressful and unhappy lifestyle. And yet, your avoidant tendencies may keep you from following through with a break up or separation. You may be planning to break up for a long time, but you just keep holding off — many men wait years, or even a lifetime, remaining in such a relationship. It’s important that you don’t dwell on planning, and you take certain actions, fast. If you feel ready to begin the separation process, DO NOT hesitate: The longer you wait, and the more time you both invest, the more difficult it becomes. You may want to consider getting the help of a counselor. Be sure that the counselor doesn’t assume that you want to maintain the relationship if you’re choosing to move on; many counselors operate from the assumption that the relationship should be “fixed.” Finally, many men are in dire need of a map that: 1) Identifies what is dysfunctional in your relationship 2) Affirms your right to leave an unhappy relationship 3) Guides you through the break up in a way that minimizes pain and hardship for you both If you need break up help, visit my site below and find A Way Out. |
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Girlfriend Too Clingy, Needy, Jealous, Controlling Or Demanding? Seek Help!
| If your friend is in an unhealthy, isolated, or abusive relationship, what should you do? Can you save your friend from an demanding, controlling boyfriend or husband? How about an overly needy or manipulative girlfriend or wife?
Of course, your actions depend on the context: Is your friend’s partner truly dangerous, or is he/she just merely annoying? Many truly unhealthy relationships have some of the same attributes. Does your friend’s partner: * resort to verbal, physical or emotional abuse? Many of these traits are characteristics of an unhealthy — or codependent — relationship. Codependent means that at least one partner has an unhealthy dependence on the other. This could, for example, refer to one partner clinging on to the other, or one partner feeling the need to take care of another who doesn’t contribute. It’s difficult to watch friends stay involved with someone who isn’t good for them. At the same time, criticism of a friend’s partner can be an explosive topic, and sensitivity is required. You have several options when you’re faced with such a dilemma. Options: 1) Say nothing – This is usually the wrong choice. If the relationship is necessarily brief (for example, you are on vacation with your friend, and he meets a local girl), then it might be best to say nothing. Otherwise, it’s a friend’s obligation to at least attempt to keep them from harm. 2) Threaten to take away your friendship — Depending on the situation, you might have to put your friendship on the line, telling your friend that you just can’t stand by and condone what’s going on. 3) State your opinion, but continue to be friends — This is often the best case, but only if your friend can separate your friendship from his/her relationship. If you often hang out with the two as a couple, you are implicitly giving your approval of the relationship. 4) Get a third party involved — If you feel that your friend is in possible danger, it’s important that you get a third party involved, such as mutual friend, your friend’s family, or in cases of physical abuse, even the police. The worst that can happen is you realize that you overreacted; on the other hand, you could potentially save his or her life. In most cases, Option 3 is the best choice. You should express your opinion if you think your friend’s boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband is harmful for them. After all, that’s what friends are for. Even if you have to put your friendship on the line, you can let them know that you will be there for them when they come to their senses. In the end, you can’t rescue a friend from a bad relationship — they have to want to leave. You can let them know how you feel, be there for them when possible, and provide any resources they might find helpful. If you have a male friend stuck in an unhealthy relationship, you may want to send him my ebook, A Way Out: A Men’s Guide to Leaving Unhealthy Relationships. I help them determine if they’re stuck in an unhealthy relationship, and give them a map to help them leave as quickly and compassionately as possible. Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships. |
Can You Save a Friend That is Stuck in a Bad Relationship?
| For most relationships, breaking up in person is the most appropriate and respectful way to breakup. If it has been a long-term relationship and you’re able to express yourself freely with your partner, you should show them the courtesy and respect of breaking up face-to-face.
However, sometimes circumstances dictate that a breakup be done in writing. For example, a break up letter might be appropriate if: * Your partner tends to behave violently or engage in physical or verbal abusive Things to consider… If you’re thinking of writing a break up letter because you lack the courage to face them, try to summon the willpower to do it in-person. As long as the situation isn’t threatening, it’s the best way to go. Though it’s difficult to deliver bad news and make someone get upset or cry, it can seem disrespectful and avoidant to write them instead. However, if you’ve been avoiding breaking up because you dread the face-to-face encounter, stop delaying and write them! it’s better to break it off ASAP — even if that means through a letter or email — so you both can get on with your lives. Some people spend months or even years avoiding a break up out of fear; do it in writing if that’s the only way you can! Also, if you have trouble expressing yourself in-person, you might want to write a breakup letter and then give it to your partner while you’re with him or her – there’s nothing wrong with that. I should note that while email tends to feel less personal, sometimes it’s the best option if timing or distance is an issue. How to write a “Dear John” or “Dear Jane” letter: Step 1: Why I’m writing After your “Dear [Partner],” explain that you regret that you couldn’t speak face-to-face, but circumstances made this necessary. You might want to let them know why you couldn’t face them. For instance, if you are afraid of a violent reaction, feel too guilty, or simply never want to see them again, just say so. Tell them that you know they’d want to hear this information as soon as possible, and this is the best way for you to do it. Step 2: Why I’m moving on Tell them that you’ve decided to end the relationship. You might want to explain why, or it might be obvious to you both (e.g., cheating). Focus on yourself and how you feel, and try not to dwell on your ex-partner’s faults. If there isn’t a clear reason, you might just say that though you appreciate his or her positive qualities, but the relationship isn’t working for you. Express that you’ve enjoyed your time together, but now you know it’s time for you to move on. Let them know that you’ll have fond memories (if it’s true). Step 3: “Get help” If the relationship was troubled by your ex-partner’s unhealthy behavior (e.g., cheating, substance abuse, violence), you may want to express how that affected you. You can recommend that they get help, and wish for them to recover. Repeat that you know that it’s time for you to move on, and that — even if he or she changes for the better — your decision remains. Step 4: Possibly friends? Although I don’t recommend that you bring up friendship, if you want to stay open to the possibility of friendship, you can say so. This generally isn’t a good idea, but sometimes it’s OK, especially in cases where you were friends first. You can let them know that you both need time to heal, but there is the possibility of friendship down the line. Step 5: Your decision is final If you don’t want to retain any possibility of getting together again, tell them that you are certain in your decision to split, and ask them to respect that. If you don’t wish to hear from them again, let them know that calls, visits, and correspondence are not welcome. Remind them that you don’t wish to spend any more time discussing what went wrong, and that you’re getting on with your life. Step 6: Apologize If you did anything to harm your ex-partner — especially if you cheated or lied to him or her – apologize in the most heartfelt way possible. However, as advice columnist Dan Savage says, “All relationships fail until one doesn’t,” so don’t blame yourself simply because your relationship didn’t “succeed.” Step 7: “All the best…” Wish your partner the best. If you like, you can let them know that contact you at a certain email address sometime in the future, but remind them that now it’s time to heal. Though it may be difficult, avoid ending the letter with “Love, [Your name].” Remember: Concentrate on the task at hand: Ending the relationship, not analyzing it. Also, avoid mentioning that you love them, even if it’s true. Mentioning your love for them will only confuse them and give them hope, so avoid it. Finally, if you’re a man in an unhealthy relationship and you’re having difficulty leaving, or you know such a man, check out my break up manual for men who feel stuck. For female readers, if you know a man who is stuck with a clingy, excessively jealous, or unstable woman, check out my site and see if the eBook is right for him. Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_S._Freeman |
How to Write a Break Up Letter in 7 Steps
| People can be indecisive about whether to stay in a relationship or break up. If you’re in a relationship and feel like you’re in a perpetual state of indecision – always with “one foot out the door” but never quite ready to leave – you need to determine if you should stay or go.
Your relationship is solid if you can answer “yes” to the following questions: * Do you still have romantic feelings for your partner, and still find him or her attractive? If your answers are yes, try to determine what it is that’s holding you back from feeling committed to the relationship. Do you feel that your lifestyle is compromised by staying in your relationship? If so, in what way? All relationships require sacrifices – are you willing to make the sacrifices required to stay with your partner? High divorce rates seem to indicate that not everyone is cut-out for a long-term, monogamous relationship. If you feel that you’re trying to mold yourself into someone you’re not by staying in this relationship, you may need to break up and reclaim your freedom. At the same time, it’s easy to take all of the comforts of a relationship for granted, and only see the negative. If your partner is a source of great comfort, companionship and love, reflect on how much value that adds to your life. I once met an elderly woman who turned her back on her college sweetheart to live independently, and she regretted it: A similar love never found her again. Everyone feels pains of unease sometimes in relationships, especially when they meet an attractive stranger and suddenly have the strong desire to be single. Just remember: That stranger probably wouldn’t understand you like your partner does, or provide the same level of comfort and companionship. That said, if you have the feeling that you’re staying in the relationship only for your partner’s sake, I highly recommend you break up. You’re not doing your partner a favor by staying – he or she deserves someone who wants to be with them. You should not stay with someone simply because you feel too guilty to leave, or because your partner “needs you.” A relationship is a choice for both people involved – you’re never truly trapped in a relationship. However, some people do feel trapped. For men feeling stuck in unhealthy or unwanted relationships, see my manual on how to leave. Because so many women need help too, I hope to have a version aimed specifically at females in the future. Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships. |
Should You Break Up? 7 Questions to Determine Whether to Stay Or Leave a Relationship
| People can be indecisive about whether to stay in a relationship or break up. If you’re in a relationship and feel like you’re in a perpetual state of indecision – always with “one foot out the door” but never quite ready to leave – you need to determine if you should stay or go.
Your relationship is solid if you can answer “yes” to the following questions: * Do you still have romantic feelings for your partner, and still find him or her attractive? If your answers are yes, try to determine what it is that’s holding you back from feeling committed to the relationship. Do you feel that your lifestyle is compromised by staying in your relationship? If so, in what way? All relationships require sacrifices – are you willing to make the sacrifices required to stay with your partner? High divorce rates seem to indicate that not everyone is cut-out for a long-term, monogamous relationship. If you feel that you’re trying to mold yourself into someone you’re not by staying in this relationship, you may need to break up and reclaim your freedom. At the same time, it’s easy to take all of the comforts of a relationship for granted, and only see the negative. If your partner is a source of great comfort, companionship and love, reflect on how much value that adds to your life. I once met an elderly woman who turned her back on her college sweetheart to live independently, and she regretted it: A similar love never found her again. Everyone feels pains of unease sometimes in relationships, especially when they meet an attractive stranger and suddenly have the strong desire to be single. Just remember: That stranger probably wouldn’t understand you like your partner does, or provide the same level of comfort and companionship. That said, if you have the feeling that you’re staying in the relationship only for your partner’s sake, I highly recommend you break up. You’re not doing your partner a favor by staying – he or she deserves someone who wants to be with them. You should not stay with someone simply because you feel too guilty to leave, or because your partner “needs you.” A relationship is a choice for both people involved – you’re never truly trapped in a relationship. However, some people do feel trapped. For men feeling stuck in unhealthy or unwanted relationships, see my manual on how to leave. Because so many women need help too, I hope to have a version aimed specifically at females in the future. Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships. |
Emotional Abuse – 7 Signs That You Are in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship
Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse can be harder to identify, because emotionally abusive tendencies can slowly creep into a relationship in the form of unhealthy patterns. Emotionally abusive partners seek to manipulate you. They often don’t want to hurt you, but they’re controlling nature makes them act out in a way that is mentally and emotionally harmful. Here are some signs that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship:
* You feel that you can’t express yourself freely with your partner, or you have to “walk on eggshells.”
* Your partner frequently express jealousy, and keeps you from engaging in normal interactions with the opposite sex
* Your partner frequently criticizes you, humiliates you, or undermines your self-esteem
* Your partner keeps you from your friends, family and support groups outside of the relationship
* You caught your partner monitoring your email or internet usage
* Your partner alludes to the possibility of harming you or your loved ones if you “betrayed” or left him or her
* Your partner implies that if you were to leave, he or she may commit suicide or engage in other self-harm
This is by no means an exhaustive list, but simply point to some of the trends of an emotionally abusive relationship. Regarding the last bullet point — threats of suicide — it is an especially manipulative tactic. If your partner holds their potential suicide over their head, they are essentially trying to take you hostage. You need to bring in a third party if they resort to this or any other form of violence.
If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, you need to get help or get out, and you need to do it fast. Even if it never escalates to physical abuse, emotionally abusive relationships can be damaging, possibly leading to stress, depression, and even post-traumatic stress disorder.
Just like other forms of abuse, it’s common for both women and men to be victims of emotional abuse.
If you are a man feeling stuck in a relationship that may be emotionally abusive partner, I wrote a manual with one goal in mind: to finally leave her It can be very difficult to leave a relationship when you feel responsible for your partner and fear for her well-being — I cover how to do so as quickly and compassionately as possible.
Codependent Relationship Stressing You Out? Do Something About It!
| Codependent relationships are usually characterized by two roles: A needy person who depends on her partner too much, and a person who acts the care-taker, always comforting his partner at his own expense. In relationships, a common pattern is a clingy woman paired with a man who never asserts himself (though the roles can be reversed).
Codependent simply means that you depend too much on your partner emotionally. For her, this may mean that she relies on you for all her emotional needs, and "can't live without you." For him, it may mean he feels too responsible for her, always catering to her demands, and never asserting himself for fear of hurting her. Are you a man feeling stuck in a codependent relationship? Maybe you wish she wasn't so clingy — or maybe you want to leave the relationship entirely — but you "don't want to hurt her," as so many guys say about their clingy girlfriends. If you find yourself in this situation, it's because you didn't assert yourself whenever she showed herself to be overly needy or demanding. In fact, you may have inadvertently encouraged her to behave like this. Now you may feel stuck in patters that don't allow for the things you desperately need: * Some degree of independence Have you ever felt that you are making major life choices based on her insecurities? Maybe she discourages you from taking a position that requires travel, or maybe she's pressuring you to get engaged before you're ready… If you find yourself in this situation, you have to either: a) Negotiate new terms for the relationship — terms that you find acceptable and don't cause you persistent stress or… b) Plan to leave the relationship Otherwise, the constant stress of remaining in a codependent relationship will take a toll on your mental and physical well-being, and you will live a life of regret. If you feel trapped in an unhealthy or unsatisfying relationship, see my site on how to breakup and get on with your life. Michael Freeman, M.A., helps men get UNSTUCK from unhealthy relationships. Go here to learn more: http://www.how-to-finally-leave-her.com |
Get Your Ex Back Products – Do They Work?
| The internet is littered with eBooks and programs on how to get your ex back. I'm constantly seeing ads shouting:
"Get Your Ex Beg You to Come Back, Guaranteed!" "10 Sure-Fire Ways to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Crawling Back!" "Top-Secret Tricks to Win Back Your Girlfriend or Wife!" Are these products legitimate? They are generally a collection of sometimes common-sense strategies to bring back your ex. Most ideas revolve around: * Showing off a new confidence, look, and/or personality Do they work? The better products (I don't endorse any particular one) may give you insight into your past behavior, show you what you may have done to push your ex away, and help you become a more balanced person. They may help you get rid of unattractive qualities (such as neediness), and encourage you to make yourself more attractive. In other words, they may indeed work, helping you get your ex to desire a relationship with you again. On the other hand, as always, the buyer has to beware. It's a common practice to market products (especially internet products) with phony or highly embellished testimonials. It's also common to "talk up" products well beyond what they're actually able to deliver. As far as "Get Your Ex Back" products go, most are not willing to say what should be obvious: Many times, your partner won't take you back, no matter what you do. Ask yourself: Have you ever broken up with someone who you absolutely wouldn't take back? Even if they were a great person? Sometimes, one partner just wants or need something else, and the relationship can't work. We all have free will, so take the promises of "Get Your Ex Back" products with a grain of salt. Marketing to the Desperate As internet marketers know, desperate customers make the best customers. I'm not saying don't buy these products: It's OK to feel needy and desperate sometimes, and it's OK to seek comfort in quirky internet products. If you have the money, they can help you find some of the perspective and self-esteem you may lost in the break-up (at least, the good ones can). Just remember that some internet marketers will gladly take advantage of your desperation. Avoid anything that: * Makes wild promises of "amazing secrets" that are "normally worth thousands of dollars" I believes that it's a seller's responsibility to behave responsibly when it comes to serving "desperate" customers. They should follow certain principles, including the following: * Make it affordable for everyone who faces the situation — making it excessively expensive and customers may hurt themselves financially because they feel desperate I believe that all products marketed to people who are struggling — including "Get Your Ex Back" products — should follow these guideline. It's OK to let your broken heart get the best of you. Just don't let marketers take advantage of you during a difficult time in your life. By the way, in my ebook on how to leave unhealthy relationships (for men), I make sure to follow the guidelines above. Michael Freeman, M.A., helps men get UNSTUCK from unhealthy relationships. Go here to learn more: http://www.how-to-finally-leave-her.com Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_S._Freeman |
Break Up Advice For Men – When is the Right Time to Break-Up?
| Breaking up isn’t easy. As men, we often sit on the fence about the decision. It’s important to get out of that state of indecision as soon as possible and take action — either commit to staying, or commit to breaking up.
Even when we are certain about wanting to break-up, we like to put it off: Afterall, her sister’s wedding is coming up, and then there’s the high school reunion, and you can’t do it just 2 weeks before her birthday, right…? Don’t use bad timing as an excuse: There’s NEVER an ideal time. There will always be a birthday, an anniversary, or a holiday on the horizon. Yes, you may seem like a jerk if you try to break-up on Valentine’s Day, but if the desire to leave the relationship hits you and you give yourself plenty of time to determine it’s the right choice, you have to let her know ASAP. Obviously, you want to be sensitive and respectful: I’m not telling you to give her the news moments after her cancer diagnosis or at her mom’s funeral. Unless the relationship is extremely unhealthy (i.e., she is physically or emotionally abusive), you can delay having “the talk” for just a bit, but not weeks or months! Remember, there’s only one thing worse than having to fake your feelings for someone: Finding out that someone was faking their feelings for you. In other words, if you wait, she will realize that you’ve felt this way for a while, and it will be even more hurtful for her. Don’t do that to her — let her know ASAP, so you both can get on with your lives. If you’re feeling stuck in an unhappy relationship, I wrote a “how to break-up” guide for guys like you. Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_S._Freeman |
Clingy, Jealous Girlfriend Controlling Your Life? 8 Dumb Reasons Why Men Stay With Needy Women
| Relationships are all about choice — sometimes we choose wrong.
As men, we can appreciate a great woman — someone who is smart, well-balanced, and provides us with comfort and emotional support. Sometimes, however, we find ourselves with clingy, controlling, jealous, emotionally unbalanced women. Instead of comfort, they are sources of stress and conflict. When we realize that we’re in such a relationship, it’s time to break it off and choose again. The alternative is a life of dissatisfaction, and never finding a mate with whom you’re truly compatible. Sometimes breaking-up can be incredibly difficult. This is especially true when dealing with an overly emotional partner who has codependent tendencies (“codependent” refers to excessive neediness, controlling behavior, etc.). What’s worse: The men who are drawn to these types are often timid when it comes to expressing their needs in a relationship. These men can stay for years — long after they know they should break-up, but never being able to actually end it. Are you in a relationship that you no longer want? Are you putting off the inevitable break up because you can’t find the right way to break-up? Are you delaying because it’s never the right time? Stop! You’re wasting both your time and her’s. Many men stay with women because they just don’t know how to summon the strength to break-up, and/or they don’t know how to initiate the break-up. Here are some bad responses for why men stay stuck in bad relationships: * “I don’t want to hurt her.” These are just a few poor excuses why men stay in stressful, unhappy relationships. None of them are valid reasons for staying in a relationship that you don’t want. Do you find yourself wanting to break-up, but you find yourself stuck? Get your life back — check out my ebook on how to leave unhealthy relationships Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships. |
