| What is codependency?
I’ve known numerous men who have been in relationships with clingy, needy, overly-emotional, jealous, and controlling women. These men are frustrated with what they perceive as their girlfriend’s flaws. They often don’t realize that their own behavior is contributing to the unhealthy relationship and allowing it to persist. These men are often stuck in codependent relationships. The term “codependent” is commonly used to refer to individuals who are overly reliant on their partners, using them as a crutch and not wanting to leave their side. However, it can apply to any unhealthy emotional dependency. When a man stays in a relationships with a clingy, jealous, critical partner, he feels dependent on her approval. Any man with a high level of self-esteem and healthy attitude towards relationships would not tolerate such a relationship. He’d either take action to stop the pattern, or simply leave. Men who get stuck in a codependent relationship, on the other hand, end up pursuing an endless pattern of trying to please their partner, and feeling frustrated when their desire for freedom conflicts with their partners need for rigid conformity to her needy patterns of behavior. All relationships should have plenty of mutual acceptance, space to be alone, time with friends (of both genders), and respect. Often, codependent relationships are lacking these things. There are two dynamics going on in such relationships: 1) Her issues (often revolving around low self-esteem) prompt her to be controlling, jealous and overly sensitive . 2) Your issues (often involving shame and the desire to please) prompt you to stay in an unhealthy relationship — despite the stress and dissatisfaction — for fear of disappointing her. Are you in a Codependent Relationship? If you’re in a codependent relationship with a controlling or needy woman, you might find that the relationship is especially restrictive. Some common traits of these relationships include: * You have to always let her know where you are These are just a few possible indicators of a codependent relationship, and by no means is an exhaustive list. What’s Wrong with Codependent Relationships? Relationships should be places of comfort and acceptance, and they should be avenues to expanding your horizons, not restricting them. Relationships should add joy to one’s life, and though they often hit rough patches, a relationship shouldn’t be a constant burden. Codependent relationships can be so stressful and restrictive that the men involved often reach a boiling point, blowing-up at their partner. It’s like a release valve, and after the pressure dissipates a bit, they fall right back into the pattern. It’s up to these men to determine whether they want to remain in that relationship or find their way to freedom. If you see yourself described in this article, take hope — many men are stuck in similar situations, and there is a way out. I’ve written eBook especially for guys like you — it’s affordable to all men who desire to get out of unhealthy relationships. If you feel that you need to leave your relationship but fear the consequences of leaving, my eBook on ending unhealthy relationships will guide you to do so as quickly and compassionately as possible. Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_S._Freeman |
Men, Are You in a Codependent Relationship With a Needy, Controlling, Or Emotionally Volatile Woman?
| Most of the time, it’s none of our business who our friends choose as their romantic partners. However…
If you have a friend who is stuck in an unhappy relationship, you’re not doing him or her a favor by keeping quiet. A healthy friendship can survive an honest discussion about his or her partner. If you have a male friend whose relationship is making him unhappy, or there is emotional (or even physical) abuse going on, you should definitely speak-up. Sometimes, you may even have to put the friendship on the line, letting him know that you can’t support his relationships (but you promise to be there after he leaves the unhealthy relationship). I speak from experience: I was in an unhealthy relationship in the past, and I needed all the support I could get. Now I counsel men who find themselves stuck in similar situations. They all have different stories, but there are similar themes. Most say that they want nothing more than to leave, but they feel like they can’t, often because of a misguided sense of responsibility…or simply because they know she’ll “freak-out.” Unfortunately, most men aren’t used to seeking advice on these matters. Instead of finding someone who brings joy to their lives, they just carry on being miserable. Women, on the other hand, usually don’t hesitate to seek help. Sometimes they get stuck too, but they often get smart and find help before long. Ladies, if you have a male friend who is stuck in an unhappy or unhealthy relationship, and you’re sick of watching him suffer, do something about it! Provide whatever support you can, and show him that there is a way out. Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships. |
| The typical “How to Break-Up” advice goes like this:
* Be sensitive to their pain However, if you’re on the internet looking for advice about how to break-up, the above tips are probably NOT helpful. In other words, you’re probably a sensitive person who would never dream of doing it through text, for example – you’re just looking for ways to reduce the pain for partner. Maybe your partner is dependent on you, or has no idea that you have doubts about the relationship, and you’re scared of his or her reaction. You’re probably feeling tremendous guilt: You never wanted to hurt anybody, and you feel that this could devastate your partner. The best break-up advice I can give you right now is this: You have permission to go. A relationship is a choice. You can break up with anyone at anytime, and for any reason. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together 10 days or 10 years — there’s always the possibility that one partner will choose a different path. Unfortunately, heartbreak is part of life, and your partner signed-up for this possibility when he or she pursued a relationship with you. Also remember that — despite how much your partner loves you — he or she probably wouldn’t want to be with you if they truly knew that you didn’t wish to be with them. And if they really love you, they’ll want the best for you. See the resources below for guidance handling an unhappy relationship. Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_S._Freeman |
| Intro
Are you a man considering breaking up your relationship, but you don’t want to hurt her? There are good reasons for staying with your partner, but fear of how she’ll respond to the break-up should not be one of them. Many guys stay because of this fear, even if they have valid reasons for wanting to break-up: * Maybe you don’t communicate well as a couple… No matter what your reason for leaving, if you are a compassionate person, you will probably feel bad about having to hurt her. However, no matter how much you care for your partner, you can’t stay with them out of fear of the break-up. Contrary to what you may think, staying when your heart isn’t in it doesn’t benefit her: Nobody truly desires a partner that stays with them out of pity. Delaying the break-up Are you delaying the break-up because you don’t want to hurt your partner? Does this sound familiar: * “I don’t want to cause her pain” These are not valid reasons for avoiding a break-up. Heartbreak is part of life. Would you want to live a life in which you never experienced the pain of an aching heart? A life of minimal heartbreak would be nice, but some heartbreak is unavoidable. There is only one way to avoid heartbreak: Stay single. All of us sign-up for potential heartbreak when we enter into a relationship. Just remember: You are not cruel for wanting to break-up a relationship that you no longer desire. In fact, breaking up is the only thing you can do once you’ve decided that you can’t keep your heart in the relationship anymore. A break-up without pain isn’t possible. If you are delaying the break-up because you don’t want to hurt her, it’s obvious that you care very much for your partner, and that’s good. However, you’re also probably worried about yourself — how will you be able to handle her reaction. Simply put, you’re scared. There is a valid reason for being scared: There is no way to break-up without pain and discomfort. You can remove that fear by learning how to make the break-up as painless as possible for you both. There are certain guidelines you can follow, one of which is to take action ASAP: The longer you wait, the more you both have invested in the relationship. If you feel stuck, and could use a guide on how to break-up in a way that causes the least amount of pain possible, see my resources below for leaving unhappy relationships. Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships. Ladies can find breakup guidance here, and men can find help here Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_S._Freeman Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships. |
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Being clingy, needy, or behaving in a codependent fashion is one of the biggest killers in a relationship. I’ve written numerous articles aimed at helping men who feel stuck in codependent or unhealthy relationships, and now I’d like to address women: Stop being clingy!
People develop clingy, needy tendencies — which can also be termed “codependent behavior” — for a variety of reasons, mostly resulting from childhood experiences or past betrayals. But if you find yourself in this pattern, you are pushing your partner away.
What can you do?
1) Become aware of habits that infringe on your man’s independence.
Stop being so vigilant of his behavior, calling him several times a day, requiring all the details whenever he goes out, etc. Everyone needs a certain amount of freedom. Women typically want more intimacy than a man is able to provide, and healthy women find a balance. If you don’t allow your man space and time to himself, you’re suffocating the relationship.
2) Stop constantly testing him!
It’s OK to have doubts and fears about the relationship — you can work on them. But stop frequently asking him if he loves you, if he’ll ever leave you, if he finds other women attractive, etc. Men find the constant barrage of testing and questioning stressful and exhausting.
3) Get a handle on jealousy, and don’t show resentment for his female friends and acquaintances.
It’s normal for him to have female friends. 50% of the world is female, so if you can’t handle his interacting with women (some of whom are attractive), it’s your problem,not his. Showing jealousy of other women is very unattractive to most men. It might take you some time before you stop feeling jealous, but at least you can stop showing your jealousy from this point on.
4) Recapture your independent spirit, and engage in activities outside the relationship.
Maybe go to dance classes by yourself. Not only will this foster your independent spirit, but it will let your boyfriend be the jealous one for a change. Get yourself out there — don’t be attached to your boyfriend at the hip! Sexy women have their own pursuits — they’re not constantly tagging along with their partners.
5) NOTICE when you’re acting in a way that overwhelms or smothers him.
It’s OK to occasionally discuss the relationship. It’s not OK to analyze everything on a daily basis, forcing him to express exactly how he feels, and getting mad at him when he can’t express it well. This drives men crazy — we’re often not good at talking about relationships, and we can be perfectly content without analyzing every detail. Save the analyzing for your girlfriends.
Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships. Ladies can find breakup guidance here, and men can find help here.
“Do you feel like your partner is standing in your way? Do you have the strong desire to break-up, but you feel stuck? This article discusses what to do when you want to break-up, but — for whatever reason — you can’t.
Why Can’t You Leave?
Relationships are a choice. Or at least, they should be. Sometimes, we realize that a relationship is no longer working, but we stay anyway. There are many reasons why people stay stuck in relationships they no longer want, including:
* Guilt — You can’t bear the thought of hurting our parnter
* Loyalty — You’ve invested so much and have a long history with them, even if it’s a bad history
* Misplaced priorities — You feel that your partner’s needs are more important than your own
* Expectations – - You don’t want to disappoint your family or your partner’s family by breaking up
* Financial or logistical reasons — You don’t have the money to leave, you live together, or you have a child together (sometimes a good reason to maintain a relationship, but not always)
* He or she will “”freak out”" — You fear your partner’s reaction to the news
If your partner stands in the way of you living a fulfilling life, you probably need to leave. That doesn’t mean disregarding commitments and responsibilities, but if you should never feel trapped in a life you don’t want. All relationships require some amount of sacrifice, but giving up the possibility for happiness is not part of the deal.
Many people find themselves staying simply for their partner’s benefit. This is a mistake — it’s not only unfair to you, it’s unfair to your partner, who deserves someone who truly wants to be with him or her.
Taking the first step
Leaving may seem impossible at times, but you can do it, regardless of your circumstances. The first step is accepting that you will have to take action to change your situation. The longer you wait, the more invested in the relationship you both become. You’re wasting you and your partners time.
You probably have been thinking of different disaster scenarios that may happen when you leave. Stop! It’s not going to be nearly as bad as you imagine. Yes, hurt feelings are often inevitable, but with just a little planning and consideration, you can guarantee that you can breakup without fear.
What now?
Have the courage to at least explore the possibility that there is a way to breakup without fear — you won’t regret it. If you feel stuck in an unhappy relationship, and you don’t know how to get out, see my resources. My breakup guides will lead you step-by-step in the break up process, minimizing pain for you both. Stop imaging the worst — get my guide and get on with your life: See the websites listed below.
Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships.
Break Up Help for Women
Break Up Help for Men
“Sometimes, it can be difficult to know when to leave a relationship.
Perhaps things aren’t great, but they’re not too bad either. It’s easy
to sit on the fence for a while and just let fate take over, but it’s
better to make a deliberate choice to stay or go. When making this
decision, an important question to ask yourself is, “”Is this
relationship unhealthy?”"
Unhealthy relationships follow identifiable patterns. Though
circumstances always vary from couple to couple, they are often
characterized by:
- Frequent arguments
- Frequent criticism on either side
- Inability to tolerate the other’s personal quirks
- Intolerance of the other’s friends or family
- Unfair expectations
- Hyper-sensitivity by one or both partners
- Intolerance of occasional lapses of attention
- Psychological problems that lead to behavioral ones
- Inability to address conflicts in a mature fashion
- Excessive jealousy and mistrust
- Extreme insecurity or major obstacles involving low self-esteem
- One or both partners have addictive or destructive tendencies
- Few, if any, mutual friends
- One partner gets easily upset over unimportant or petty things
- Excessive clingy-ness
- One or both partners feels as if they are “”walking on eggshells”"
much of the time
- Difficulty discussing feelings
This is by no means and exhaustive list, and just represents some of
the traits that characterize an unhealthy relationship.
Your significant other is supposed to be a source of comfort in the
world, not a persistent source of stress and anxiety. If your
relationship offers no sense of peace or safety, it’s time to end it.
If the problems escalate to physical or emotional abuse, the need to
breakup is even more urgent.
If you want to leave your partner but have too much fear and anxiety
at the thought of breaking up, there is help. Check out the links
below.
Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy
relationships. Ladies can find breakup guidance here, and men can find
help here.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_S._Freeman
Michael Freeman, M.A., helps men and women leave unhappy, unhealthy relationships. See wwww.leavinghim.com (for women), or www.leavingher.com (for men).
Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse can be harder to identify, because emotionally abusive tendencies can slowly creep into a relationship in the form of unhealthy patterns. Emotionally abusive partners seek to manipulate you. They often don’t want to hurt you, but they’re controlling nature makes them act out in a way that is mentally and emotionally harmful. Here are some signs that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship: * You feel that you can’t express yourself freely with your partner, or you have to “walk on eggshells.” * Your partner frequently express jealousy, and keeps you from engaging in normal interactions with the opposite sex * Your partner frequently criticizes you, humiliates you, or undermines your self-esteem * Your partner keeps you from your friends, family and support groups outside of the relationship * You caught your partner monitoring your email or internet usage * Your partner alludes to the possibility of harming you or your loved ones if you “betrayed” or left him or her * Your partner implies that if you were to leave, he or she may commit suicide or engage in other self-harm This is by no means an exhaustive list, but simply point to some of the trends of an emotionally abusive relationship. Regarding the last bullet point — threats of suicide — it is an especially manipulative tactic. If your partner holds their potential suicide over their head, they are essentially trying to take you hostage. You need to bring in a third party if they resort to this or any other form of violence.
If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, you need to get help or get out, and you need to do it fast. Even if it never escalates to physical abuse, emotionally abusive relationships can be damaging, possibly leading to stress, depression, and even post-traumatic stress disorder.
Everyone is entitled to a relationship where they are accepted and supported. Relationships should lift you up, not bring you down. They should be a refuge from the hardships of the world; they shouldn’t be a source of constant struggle for one or both partners.
