Nobody gets married with the idea of getting a divorce if it doesn’t work out. We marry because we love each other and we’re sure that it will be that way till death separates us. But even the best of intentions and the most Herculean efforts must sometimes meet a brick wall and that’s when we know that it’s time to move on.
What are the Symptoms?
If you think you’ve hit the wall, ask yourself a few questions:
Do they expect you to make them happy?
Do you have to account for every moment of your time?
Has your spouse lost interest in being alone with you?
Does your spouse make excuses not to go places or do things?
Are you arguing over silly things, or do you both fly off the handle at the least little thing?
If you’re experiencing any of these symptoms in your marriage you should run, not walk to a marriage counselor or trusted clergy member that is qualified in couples counseling. It won’t get better on its own, just as an ear infection doesn’t disappear without antibiotics. Just as an untreated ear infection can result in a ruined eardrum, ignoring the strife in your marriage can lead to divorce.
What if Nothing Works?
If your mate refuses to get counseling or admit that the two of you have a problem, you have two choices; you can live with it or you can end it. Before you make a decision that is such a significant life changer you should do a bit of research.
First, make two separate lists. One will consist of the negative things in your marriage in one column and the other will list the positive things. Your second list will concern your mate; list the traits that he or she had when you were first married and then their personality traits at the present time. How have they changed? Is there something on the first list that corresponds to the second? Lists are a good tool to use in taking an objective look at your marriage. They can also allow you to see events and consequences that correspond. Perhaps your spouse began to disconnect with you after the loss of a job or an illness.
If you can find no connections to the disruption in your marriage, take another look at your first list. Do the good things outweigh the bad? Are they something that can be fixed if you share it with your spouse? If not, perhaps it’s time to have one last conversation and discuss ending the marriage.
A Happy Ending?
It’s important to realize that every couple goes through difficult times. Most of these trials can make the couple stronger and more committed but sometimes even the most dedicated marriages break apart. Knowing when to end it can spare everyone more pain and may even result in parting as friends. The end of the marriage could actually be the beginning of a rewarding friendship.