Trusting a boyfriend or husband following a cheating incident can be a real uphill battle, but if you are committed, it is one that can be won.
Several ways to face this situation and what to do are shared below:
Listen to Yourself
All relationships have ups and downs, but if a lack of trust is the issue then it can take time to learn to rebuild it. However, rebuilding trust is the only way to repair a relationship and move forward. If you decide that forgiving your man is worth the work then you must put emotions aside and use your brain to make real strides. If he cheated, then you must decide if he did so because of simple human mistakes or because he does not love you. If it was a mistake, he will do everything to try to make it right with you. If this is the case, you must learn to trust again, putting emotions aside so you can trust your intuition more.
Talk It Out
If you choose to take him back, then you must both learn to open up more and actually talk. Practice communicating properly to help strengthen the relationship. This not only helps build up trust, but helps him to be more responsive to your needs. While communication should occur prior to cheating, building the skills after is good as well.
Everyone makes mistakes. After analyzing your relationship up to the cheating, decide whether you wish to stay or move on. If you stay, then you must forgive him. Forgiveness will take time, but it is as much for you as the one who cheated. Being able to forgive shows maturity and will help to build trust in the future. Before you outright forgive someone, tell them that it will be the last chance for the relationship. If he cheats again, move on.
Put Paranoia Aside
After a partner cheats, it can be easy to get paranoid that they are always lying or cheating again. This creates a wall of mistrust and long-term issues. You may start to hate your partner and all men in general. If the relationship is to work, you must stop thinking about the cheating incident and forgive. Do not go stalking or trying to find passwords, simply trust. If you cannot put paranoia aside, it is time to move on.
Learn to be confident in yourself. You are not the cause of the cheating, that was their decision. Show your maturity by being confident to the point that life will go on with or without them. If you stay, be confident in the fact they will not make the same mistake twice. This will help with trust and forgiveness. If he does cheat again, be secure enough to walk away and know you will be fine.
Forgive but Never Forget
Though you should not obsess of the cheating, you must also make him earn back your trust, knowing he messed up. It is never a good idea to rub his face in it, but he does need to know he messed up the relationship and will need to work hard to get back in your good graces. If he loves you, he will be willing to do almost anything, but do not take this too far. This can be damaging.
Make Him Work for It
It takes two to tango so he must earn your trust back. He caused the broken trust in the relationship and must be held accountable. Holding him accountable will make him work hard for what he has in you, but if he refuses, let him go. Never let him rob you of your joy again.
Let It Go
It is painful when someone cheats, but if you are to repair the relationship, you must let go of the pain. You too have made mistakes and if he is willing to forgive, you should as well. This may take time and even counseling, but it is necessary to save the relationship.
Avoid These Things
If you have decided to forgive, build trust, and move forward with your partner, then make sure to avoid the following:
- Being Clingy – It is almost natural to be clingy when a partner has previously cheated, but doing so will drive a wedge into your relationship. Be confident enough to live your life.
- No Self-Blame – You did not cause your man to cheat; he made that decision. Stop blaming yourself and do not take any blame he offers. If he wants you, work on it together or move on.
- Avoid Payback – Turn about is not fair play when it comes to cheating. Avoid cheating on him just to pay him back for cheating on you. Be the bigger person.
There are many reasons to take your husband or boyfriend back after he cheated, there are also many reasons not to overall. The choice is yours. If you choose to stick it out, make him earn your trust an work together on the relationship.