People can be indecisive about whether to stay in a relationship or break up. If you’re in a relationship and feel like you’re in a perpetual state of indecision – always with “one foot out the door” but never quite ready to leave – you need to determine if you should stay or go.
Your relationship is solid if you can answer “yes” to the following questions:
* Do you still have romantic feelings for your partner, and still find him or her attractive?
* Are there feelings of mutual respect and admiration?
* Do you feel that you can trust each other. If your partner has betrayed your trust, will you be able trust him or her again in the future?
* Are you satisfied with your relationship at least 60% of the time?
* Does your partner have similar values to you?
* Is your relationship free of abuse, either physical, verbal, or emotional?
* Does your partner challenge you to be a better person, but accept and love for who you are?
If your answers are yes, try to determine what it is that’s holding you back from feeling committed to the relationship. Do you feel that your lifestyle is compromised by staying in your relationship? If so, in what way? All relationships require sacrifices – are you willing to make the sacrifices required to stay with your partner?
High divorce rates seem to indicate that not everyone is cut-out for a long-term, monogamous relationship. If you feel that you’re trying to mold yourself into someone you’re not by staying in this relationship, you may need to break up and reclaim your freedom.At the same time, it’s easy to take all of the comforts of a relationship for granted, and only see the negative. If your partner is a source of great comfort, companionship and love, reflect on how much value that adds to your life.
I once met an elderly woman who turned her back on her college sweetheart to live independently, and she regretted it: A similar love never found her again. Everyone feels pains of unease sometimes in relationships, especially when they meet an attractive stranger and suddenly have the strong desire to be single. Just remember: That stranger probably wouldn’t understand you like your partner does, or provide the same level of comfort and companionship.
That said, if you have the feeling that you’re staying in the relationship only for your partner’s sake, I highly recommend you break up. You’re not doing your partner a favor by staying – he or she deserves someone who wants to be with them. You should not stay with someone simply because you feel too guilty to leave, or because your partner “needs you.” A relationship is a choice for both people involved – you’re never truly trapped in a relationship.
However, some people do feel trapped. For men feeling stuck in unhealthy or unwanted relationships, see my manual on how to leave. Because so many women need help too, I hope to have a version aimed specifically at females in the future.